Using Your “No” Power!

I was just a little girl and not yet in school when we got our first black and white TV and I remember it being a really big deal. When color TV came out it was even more exciting, because now it wasn’t just a box on a rickety stand, it was in a finely crafted piece of wood furniture…console TV.

Media in RoomEven before the TV we had a radio in our living room and from the start our listening time was limited. This was due to what time the stations were playing programs.  So even though I am a child of the mass communications age I didn’t feel it ruled our lives. Fast forward to 2015 and it’s an entirely different story.

Not only do we have multiple TV’s in our homes, perhaps one in every room to watch pre-recorded shows, we also have instant connection to the entire world through the internet and social media. The first telephone we had when I was a kid was a “party line” which meant our calls were not private and we had to go through an operator to ring someone. Today my phone is “smart” and can connect with the world in real time. Now before you think I am ancient, this was just 50 years ago and the previous 50 years only saw the invention of the telephone and radio!!

Inventions are happening much faster than they used to – are we keeping up? Are we “smart” with our phones and other electronics or do they control our lives?  What we do to get along and entertain ourselves has completely changed and I want to address how this has affected our ability to find and create separate space for ourselves – and maintain our personal power.

In order to have personal power we must first have our “person” intact. This was difficult to do when I was a teen/adult and it is exponentially more difficult today thanks to mass media and a plethora of devices. The choices we are presented with each day are too numerous to count and it’s easy to get lost in the sea of information and technology. The best way to combat this influx of sales stimuli is to make space for yourself where you can hear yourself think and more importantly feel yourself react to life. It is through our feelings that we can really know when we are in harmony with our True authentic self. The thinking mind or ego will want to “belong” in the world and since it perceives everything as danger, it rarely wants to take a stand and be unique. But your heart has all the courage you could ever need to stand up and be your true self. And this courage is fed by having a private spot within our protected personal space. I say protected because that is what we have to do. We do this by choosing what we will and won’t let into our space and this enables us to reclaim our power from the world that is invading our home.

Here is an example of what I mean; I was born at the end of the Korean War and soon we were in the Vietnam War. Three brothers, 2 cousins, and one uncle all served in the Navy and I was busy as a little girl writing letters and sending care packages so I was quite familiar with wartime energy-or so I thought. When we bombed Kuwait in 1991 live on TV I was not at all prepared and was shocked and horrified. You’d think with all the wars I had experienced I would be numb but they were never “live” in my living room. Neither was the explosion of the Challenger Spaceship or the bombing of the Twin Towers on my TV as a child. We do need to know what is going on in the world however we must say “no” when the media wants us to watch them 24-7 and inundate us with their minutia and bad reporting just for the sake of adding money to their coffers. Nor do we need to get shocked and upset for this helps and empowers no one!! Now more than ever our “no” power must be exerted. And remember this; every time you say “no ”you are saying ”yes” to something else you decided you want more such as peace of mind and space to collect and restore your own energy.

Today I limit how much and when I watch the news. I prepare myself and remind myself that the Universe is indeed in order even if it doesn’t look like it and I send blessings of love and light to all who appear in the media that are troubled. In this manner I use my “no” power in a way that is a “win-win” for all.

How do you use your “no” power?

’till next time
Your Personal Space Coach©




The Inner Holiday

From Thanksgiving until New Year we have the “Winter Holiday Season” which can be quite overwhelming to our senses. We are inundated with music, color, lights, gifts, food, social events, and nonstop commercials to buy this or that. With all this activity it can be difficult to remember that the holiday season is really only happening inside of us!! The power for how we mark this time of year (happy, sad, chaotic, peaceful etc.) is not up to Toys R Us, JC Penney or Starbucks. It’s not up to your mother, your friends, the local church, your Rabbi or your neighbors. It is only up to you.

Sedona Day OffOur senses act as personal filters for everything going on around us. Our thoughts and beliefs tell us how we feel about what we are experiencing. For example; this time of year we have a big selection of major movie releases and this year has a doozy with the continuation of the Star Wars series. No matter how much money this movie makes there will be a huge range of opinions about it – no two people who see it will see the same movie. And the same is true for what our experience of Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa will be. It’s in our hands alone; the power to filter what comes across our path. We get to choose what to think, what to say, and what to feel in every moment. No one can control us for they don’t live inside of us. No one is in our minds, our hearts or lives behind our eyes but us.

But there is a trick to doing this “choosing” especially this time of year. The trick is to get quiet time for yourself daily if you can, even if it’s just for just 15 minutes. This will help you to restore your energy and collect your thoughts so you feel centered and balanced as you dance through all the activities you have planned. It will also help you to process and download the overload to your senses so you can detach and choose what is best for yourself in the moment.

No matter what happens in your life during this time of year, you can choose peace. You can choose to be happy and grateful or stressed and miserable. Flexibility is your best friend here. Bear in mind that plans are just that PLANS; not events taking place in the current moment, and plans can and will be changed, so remain open to this and flex with what does happen next. Be okay with what comes next and the right response to it will occur to your now open mind. This is how to maintain the feeling of peace inside yourself; which you can choose no matter what is going on outside of you. The first best choice you can make will be to find time for contemplative peace daily.

Give yourself  the gift of happiness this holiday season by taking short breaks and get away from it all. This way you can find happiness and gratitude over and over and over again and your holiday season will be wonderful!

Happy Holidays!
Your Personal Space Coach



Delete the Word Failure

I heard a quote the other day that really perked me up…
Failure is not the opposite of success, it is a stepping stone to success.” Ariana Huffington

I really like the image this projects because when you think about it there are way more stepping stones in the world than there are landing spots. If you are crossing a stream you will have a dozen or more stepping stones and just two shores. If you are walking on a stepping stone path from your car to the front door you will have at least six to a dozen or so stepping stones and only one exit and one entrance spot. Stepping Stones

Then there is the falling down along the way. This too is not an indication of failure…in fact I don’t think failure actually exists as we tend to refer to it today. Failure just means “not yet” or “pending” but those words don’t emotionally defeat us the way the word “failure” will. So perhaps we need to delete that word from our personal dictionary.

Consider an Olympic athlete. There, just that title denotes an amazing success don’t you think? Yet once they hit the big Olympic games and don’t get a medal they are considered a “failure” – how is that right? Or even a candidate for a job position who is not chosen. Didn’t they write a resume? Didn’t they dress up, show up and go through the interview process? Didn’t they also learn more about the company and the people involved in the process of applying? Information is NEVER failure and as long as we are breathing and thinking we are gathering and processing information non-stop…we are “pending” as we take action toward the success we after. I can’t tell you the number of times I have learned something crucial to my wellbeing and happiness during an interview for a job I didn’t get. I remember one time an eager beaver in the office I was applying to took it upon herself to call me to get information on whether we would be a good fit. This was not her business to do this but the fact that she did and the fact that I would be working with such a control freak made me cancel the official interview. The information her phone call gave me told me I wouldn’t like it there.

So pay attention as you are gathering information. See all your steps toward your goal as stepping stones because even when you reach the “shore” you will keep on moving and create another goal to achieve. Life is all about living after all and there is really no “getting there” just  being here right now. As Human BEINGS we need to remember this and cut ourselves some slack and perhaps delete the word “failure” from your personal dictionary.

’till next time,
Your Personal Space Coach

Dismiss What Insults Your Soul

Everywhere we turn it seems that someone is telling us how to live; what to eat, what not to eat, how to dress our body in the latest (and only approved of) styles, how to decorate our home, what the latest and greatest is for every moment of our life experience. Even if we turned off all the TV ads, radio marketing and newspaper ads, internet and magazine publications we would still be prompted by others to do it their way. And always there is that unspoken “or else” that is implied. Or else you won’t be popular, or else you won’t get that job, or else you won’t look attractive and the worst one of all “or else you won’t be loved.”

“Re-examine all you have been told, dismiss what insults your soul.”
Walt Whitman

Most often the thoughts running through our heads are not our own, they belong to what others in the world have told us. We judge ourselves, or make decisions based upon something our mom said to us, or our 5th grade teacher told us years ago, and we didn’t know we could question it to see if it was true for us now that we are old enough to make decisions for ourselves. Many of us have people living “rent free” right inside our minds! It’s time to clean house and get out what doesn’t match you and your value system!!

If we don’t learn how to stop the world from taking us over, we will continue to feel that vague sense of emptiness inside and continue to feel lost in a jungle taken over by the beliefs and values of others. That vague sense of emptiness you feel inside is your own Soul Space crying out to you to stop the merry-go-round the world has you on, and come home to you. If you don’t live in your space someone else will. Space can’t really go extinct but the “personal you” part can get buried so deep you could forget all about your right to exist your way.

Every one of these subtle and sometimes not too subtle voices in your head bombard you all day long and before you know it, you’ve lost your connection to your essence; that part of you that makes you unique, original, and makes you happy. You are lost as to what makes you, YOU. By reclaiming and possessing your Personal Space you can get the world off of your back and begin living the authentic and wonderful life you were meant to have, and the best part is no one around you has to change at all. No one has to give you permission or approve of what you find to be true about yourself. In fact no one but you can give you permission. The strength to be all that we are comes from within each of us-at our soul level. We are all equally powerful and capable. We are all winners, as long as we are in our game and not trying to play by the rules of others in their game.

It’s up to each of us to take a stand and take up our Personal Space deliberately so it doesn’t go extinct in our lives. Sure it’s healthy to share yourself with others, connections are vital to our lives but keep some of your time and space personal for yourself because if you don’t then where do you exist?

’till next time,
Your Personal Space Coach©

One Size Fits All – Or Does It?

I am often reminded how significant it is for us to take up space in our own unique way. The notion “one size fits all” is so bogus it’s laughable. I am sure there is a corporation out there somewhere that wishes this were true because then for less cost they could make what EVERYONE wants’ and needs which would make them more money.

Which brings me to today’s topic of observation – CARS.

I grew up near Dearborn, Michigan in the shadow of Henry Ford. My family was a Ford family. I can’t tell you the number of times I toured the Ford Motor plant, Henry Ford’s museums, or studied his legacy (we were tested on him in school). One of the funniest quotes I remember about him went something like this “You can have any color of car you want, as long as it’s black.”

We are shocked today to hear such a statement but back in 1914 when he was attempting to mass produce an economical car and sell as many as he could, this made sense. Black paint at that time was the least expensive and it dried the fasted. Black paint allowed Ford to produce a car in about 90 minutes on his assembly line and thereby satisfy the nation’s hunger for personal transportation at an affordable price. The Model T was made solely in black from 1914 to 1926 but it originally (1908) came in 5 dark colors. He limited the color for a while so he could make and sell more while maintaining his desired profit margin. But it didn’t last did it? Do you think he would have stopped this black only product if the consumer hasn’t spoken up? Nope, neither do I.

Limited selection of choices happens quite frequently when something is new in the market. Just look at how television has evolved! We don’t even have to watch the programming when the shows air anymore. Consumers demanded more freedom and soon the ability to tape programs was invented. Even that process has evolved drastically both in cost and convenience. The Betamax taping machines were short lived, then VHS took over and now we have the DVR tape free machines for recording our favorite shows. What I find fascinating is that as quickly as possible variety is added to each new invention even though the creators of the product would most likely prefer to keep the selection simple and inexpensive which would increase their profits. But they can’t because the consumer is not “one size fits all.”

Isn’t it fascinating to see just how much our unique characteristics dictate so much power in the market place? It’s evolutionary and it’s silent and unless you stop and “dig” around a bit it goes fairly unnoticed. You can pick any new product ever created and watch it evolve and expand because we are not clones of each other. Deep down we love and celebrate our right to be unique and take up space our way!! Our lives are richer because we are all different. Let’s celebrate this!!

‘till next time,
Your Personal Space Coach©

Have You Claimed Your Independence?

Tomorrow is Independence Day in the United States and one of my favorite holidays. I have been working on gaining my own Personal Space independence for decades now and I use this holiday to measure my progress.

I love the whole idea of personal independence because it means we are the power in our lives. It means we don’t need anyone’s approval to go for our dreams. It means we can let go of the need for outside validation. And it means no one has to change for us to get what we want and need. We are the power in our life – this is what it means to be independent. iphone pics 6 032

We will work in better harmony with others – which we all need to do for the good of all – if we have claimed and own our personal independence. We come to the meeting with all our parts in order and can provide more value to the work we do as a team.

Personal independence reminds me of team sports; for instance let’s look at football. You have your different player designations such as kicker, quarterback, forward etc. Now each of them must work together as a team to play and win the game – the group project so to speak. But if each one of them as an individual doesn’t take their personal independence seriously and meet the obligations necessary for their strength training, proper behavior, diet etc then the whole team suffers. If they do take their independence seriously and do their best the whole team thrives.

Individual independence is doing what is needed to meet your personal dreams and purpose. Group independence is joining others of “like mindedness” to achieve a goal greater than any one of the group individually…just like the founding fathers of the United States did.

So we can see how important it is for each of us to think and act for ourselves. Its not selfish, it’s crucial. Otherwise how will we know which group to join and which efforts are for us to devote our value and talents to?

I was a robot until I was 33 years old. Then I woke up and have been gaining my independence steadily these past two decades so that now I can say I know who I am and I know what I am to be about…finally. Whew! What a journey this has been, and it’s not over yet.
I wonder what form my independence will take nest year? A bestselling book? More wonderful clients to coach? Time will tell and I will be happy to mark the occasion with a fireworks and BBQ celebration.

Happy Independence Day to all, may you find your inner power and shine it forth! And remember to Celebrate YOU!

’till next time,
Your Personal Space Coach©