Living with others can be a daily challenge. Even living with just ourselves can be a challenge – some days we drive ourselves crazy! The “Three A’s” tip is the one thing I know that works every time I need help getting my life back on track. This is how it works…
Usually when I am having a “bad day” or am supremely irritated with and event, person or situation if I can remember “The Three A’s” I will be able to bring sanity to my mind and restore my energy. The first step is to stop and notice what is actually bothering me. I may need to go deeper than my first thought to get to full Awareness of the situation. For instance say I am mad at the delay at the doctors office. At first I might think it is because I am a busy woman and don’t have time to waste at the doctors. But if I go deeper and ask “what else is this about for me?” I might come up with an inner wound that got triggered by this event and if I take the time to clear it I am not bothered anymore.
Or perhaps I might ask “what is causing this to happen-is there a good reason for this delay at this time?” With this question I have achieved #1 Awareness – I am now fully aware of my situation and the doctor event, and I have moved to #2 Acceptance of what is going on in the moment. Then #3 Action – almost happens by itself as I get up and ask the front desk receptionist what might be the reason the doctor is late. It is here that I learn he witnessed a car accident on his way into the office and is providing emergency care to the wounded.
The funny thing about The Three A’s (which I think originate from the AA 12 set program) is that most of us want to just jump to #3 Action without getting fully clear and Aware of what the REAL problem is and this just doesn’t work out well in the long run. Most of us don’t take the time to become fully Aware and we really don’t like Acceptance. Nope. Not for me we say! It’s “their fault” we say and all this does is dis-empower us as we attempt to solve the part of this scenario that is our problem.
To paraphrase the wise Hawaiian therapist Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len; if you see it, notice it and feel it then some part of the problem is yours to solve – you share responsibility. And “responsibility” means responding-with-ability a very self-empowering action!
So the next time you find yourself upset or annoyed and the immediate solution doesn’t occur to you – stop and see if you can apply the Three A’s to assist you. Chances are the right action is not occurring to you because you don’t know what the “real” problem is or you know what it is and are not able to accept it. Remember Acceptance does NOT mean approval – it just means right here and right now you can see that “this issue” is occurring, and in the next moment something else will occur. So get over it, above it, beyond it by becoming fully Aware of it, Accepting it, and working with it to solve “this issue” with full awareness and empowered Action. Good luck!
’till next time,
Your Personal Space Coach